He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
