Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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