You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
