Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
