did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
