if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
