Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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