Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
