highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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