dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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