I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
