You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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