I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
