4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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