i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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