So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
