My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
