you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
