So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
