I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
