But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
