I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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