oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
