I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
