I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
