It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
