this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
