Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
