I just saw a hot homeless man
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
