U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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