we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
