Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
