I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
