I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
