You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
