She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
