Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
