Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
