apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
