There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
