I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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