Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
