1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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