i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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