I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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