I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
