I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
