next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
