the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
