She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
